Bootstraps.

Oops!  My husband said that last nights blog was weird.  I think he may be right.  Oh well, it was just a mood.  A very strange mood.  Sometimes I express my moods in odd ways.  I guess that makes me odd.  Yeah.  Hmmmm.
It is Monday night, I don't fell very well.  Going to the doctor tomorrow.  Hope he can help.  Maybe my weirdness is fear.  Fear.  Cold, steel hard, shiny dark gray fear.  Edges blurry, not knowing what is going on, feeling tight in the chest.  Tears so close, throat constricted, antsy, just want to feel better.   I want it to be 3:10 tomorrow.  Actually, maybe a week from now when I am fixed.  Fixed.  Please, God, help them fix me.  I have so much I want to do, for my husband, for my children, for me.  Experiences.  But mostly I want to be around to help my family through tough stuff, scary stuff.  Right now I wish there was someone to hold my hand, to send that current of hope from their fingers to mine.
Funny thing..........If I am not here, I can't even help my loved ones with that.  Sad.  Morbid.  Gosh,  I think I'm down, Maybe just a bit.
Where did I put those boot straps?